Police Academy 7: Citizens Race Bikes

Dumb / stupid ideas aren’t always the worst ideas.  I’ve nearly given up on road, I find it less and less fun the more I do it. But I will do one every now and then just for shits and giggles.

Dumb idea number one, I sign up for the Tour of Kansas City Police Academy crit knowing I won’t do well, I seem to worse at each and every road race I find myself in.  This crit would be my second road race this year, Perry Dam race was the other.  If Perry gave me a clue to how I’ll do so I go in knowing I won’t do that well but I do it anyway.

Were lined up, I’ve got a sweet front row center spot I pushed myself into, sorry guys.  So the gun goes off or the whistle blows, I don’t remember.  Since it’s a cat 5 race, everyone is fumbling around trying to get the shoes in their pedals, I even fucked up and I miss the cleat.  Regardless, I quickly get my shit together and pedal, I notice there are only a couple of people near me and 30+ behind me.

Stupid idea number two pops into my head, I decide since I’m so far ahead I tell myself fuck it, let’s drop the hammer and turn it up to eleven, let’s see what happens. I pull away from the big peleton of doom, I probably had a good 30-45 yard lead.  I know this is an extremely stupid decision on my part, blowing myself up on the first lap of a sixteen lap race.  But, fuck it, I’ve never had this much of a lead before, and I’m gonna see just how long I can hold off the peleton of doom (Cat 5’s for the most part have any idea what they are doing, and staying away from a large group of them is always a good idea, especially on corners).

Leading a race is an amazing experience, nothing but wide open spaces in front of you. No views of spandex covered asses bobbing up and down right in front of you.  All the while I’m hoping that someone is photographing this because I don’t know how long I can do this. Turns out, it’s one lap, duhh!

I get caught by the peleton of doom and I find a nice spot to catch my breath and realize I’m done for and I’m sure I’ll place poorly.  This turent out to be true, finished near the back, didn’t check the final results, I was too busy trying to convince people that Mexican restaurant in the ‘burbs always suck and we should go down to the Boulevard and get real Mexican food, but I get veto’ed and we go to the worst Mexican place ever. It’s a disaster, bad food, poor service…

Anyway, road sucks, track state champs are coming up (I need to reclaim my two state titles*) and then it’s cyclocross season, the best season ever!!  Black Sheep Cartel!!!

And what was with the helmet number stickers, what is this, a fucking triathlon?

So scientists have discovered fish swim like they are racing bicycles, or is it cyclists swim like fish.  I could so dominate a bike race against some fish, bring it on Nemo!!


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