2011 Old Timey Track Championships

When one thinks of track racing they usually picture a grand oval constructed of wood or concrete with big banking curves. Not so quick, back in the day people often raced in circles on someone’s piece of land, no wood, no concrete, not a bank to be seen, just a big flat grass covered oval.  Fast forward and people are still kicking it old school, in a desolate hay field outside Lawrence KS, ladies and gentleman your 2011 Kansas track championships venue!

Eat my dust! KC Metro Champ!

So, a year ago I won two state titles* I don’t live in Kansas (think god) so I’m technically not a state champion, stupid rules!  Regardless, I refer to myself as state champion anyway.  Don’t like it, too bad, come out and try to beat me.

Fast forward a year, and crap people came out to take my unofficial title away from me.  How dare they, and how dare they live in Kansas, and how dare they refer to themselves as a legitimate state champion.  The nerve!!

Michelle Mills another KC Metro TT Champion!

I was bested in both categories I had last year; the one kilo time trial (men’s 35-39) and the 8 K mass start scratch race.  Why it’s called a scratch race I do not know. Anyhoo, I came home with two quasi titles.  Kansas City Metro champion, basically first place for people who live in Missouri. KC Metro Champion has a nice sound to it, I got two blue ribbons and and armful of prize schwag, so suck it Kansas!

I feel beat up, bruises on both fore arms from riding in the drops most of the time, my hands are beat to shit from such a bumpy track and my ass is as sore as it’s ever been, again thanks to the bumpy track.  I can’t imagine the pain without padded bike shorts.

The Cartel is sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer who graciously gives us money, beer and other assorted stuff!!  Knowing it will be a hot day I bring with me our big blue PBR tent, and a shit ton of beer, free beer.  You would think people might be happy to see some free beer, but no. I get repeatedly shit on for bringing “low-brow, yard beer or worse, hipster beer”. You know who you are.

Free beer and fruit snacks for everyone but beer snobs!

Now I understand not everyone enjoys every beer, for example I don’t like Boulevard Tank 7 or any other Smokestack Series beers. I personally think it’s pretentious and is trying too hard to be something it’s not, I don’t care for its flavor and it doesn’t sit well with me.  I don’t sit around and bag on the people who brought a keg of Tank 7, I don’t call them pretentious beer snobs or anything like that.  I simply pass on theirs and crack open one of mine thank you very much. I wouldn’t call it my all time favorite brew, but it’s good, cold and perfect for the occasion and it’s FUCKING FREE!!

Free shade and free beer!

“You always have that shitty hipster beer, it’s terrible…” You want to know why we always have it? It’s because we have a great sponsor who goes above and beyond to keep our little pink clad cycling family happy.  News flash, it won’t turn you into a hipster if you drink it.  You don’t like it, don’t drink it, and shut your pretentious beer hole!

You know what, next time I bring any, I’m keeping it for the Cartel and anyone who wants one. So fuck you beer snobs! Drink your expensive beer you had to pay for yourself, this shitz was free!

I’m just sayin’!

ct

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12 thoughts on “2011 Old Timey Track Championships

  1. Screw the haters, Chris. This is about two awesome things…you, a BSC, winning the KC Metro title and our awesome sponsor showing love for the sport we love. People who bitch about schwag can always feel free to step up to the plate and donate whatever schwag they would prefer. If they aren’t willing or able to do that, they should pretty much just STFU.

    [steps off soap box]

    Great job kicking ass out there, kiddo! 😉

  2. Nice rant! It greatly amused me while I lifted my tulip shaped glass of tasty pretentiousness with pinky extended.
    But do continue to bring the PBR…different strokes!
    Thanks for the write up. Cool photo treatment. Thanks for hanging with us and our beer snobbery.

  3. Hey I was trying to push the PBR for you, but all I got was a joking “You must be one of those Volker people”

  4. I appreciate the help with the beer pushing, and tent set up. And yes Jon, you are one of those “Volker people” it says so right on the front of your kit. My cooler is always open to you and your people.

  5. lol @ beer snobs racing bicycles in a hay field.

    also, fuck a tank 7 on a blistering hot day, i’d much rather have a PBR or any “yard beer” instead. learn how to drink+ride bikes.

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